Wife doesn’t do anything special for me?

Ok, is it not in the nature of women to want to occasionally do things for their men? IE, cook favorite meals, suprises, (fill in the blank here)?? Now I’m not needy by any stretch of the imagination but my wife never seems to go out of her way to do anything for me outside the box. She never has even when we dated. I’m wondering if it’s just how she is or that she just doesn’t care enough. My birthday is basically the only day she does anything special and I think that’s because it’s obligatory. Women, what’s your take here? Don’t you want to show your man he’s appreciated…I’ve done plenty to show her how much she means to me, it’s to the point now where I’ve backed off because nothing ever gets reciprocated. This even extends to normal household chores.

Whats up?

8 Answers

  1. You knew she was a duck when you married her. Quack, quack, quack….

    Now, you want her to howl at the moon like a coyote? Not gonna happen…

  2. I do all sorts of little and big things for my man, but that’s apart of who I am. The woman you married, that does not come natural to her, which you knew before you married her. Instead of playing the passive agressive game with her, why don’t you let her know that you are feeling under appreciated and see if the two of you can’t meet in the middle somehow. But pulling back solves nothing if she doesn’t know why. It’s very likely she doesn’t even see this about herself. So TALK to her, communicate your needs. Good luck!

  3. I am in the same shoes, just in reverse. It’s disgusting. I believe my husband’s fault lies with his dad. His dad never did anything nice for his wife (my mother in law) and they divorced after 19 years. Now she is dead and he cries and visits her grave and puts flowers on it every weekend. My husband says, “You should have given her flowers when she was alive.” However, my husband needs to put this into action too. I feel very unappreciated. Perhaps she has had guys cater to her her whole life or her mom was the same way?

  4. Anything For Me

  5. women want to be treated like princesses. a princess doen’t just get all the things she wants and waited upon, they also dont do anything in return.

    the key to this story is that you said that even while you were dating this is how she was. you should have run for the hills. but i know how you feel. my wife is ultra lazy too

  6. if she never did it then it’s not in her charactor to do so.

    See I use to do stuff like that. Now i’m too sleepy and tired and busy, I still try here and there. but overall it has been to a very slow halt.

    me doing somethign nice is look i got you xyz… from the store

  7. in her mind, just by her laying there and letting you have 5 minutes of sex with her is all she feels is enough. she feels you owe her for that in fact. most women, not all, are self centered and self serving, only really caring about themselves and only pretending to care about their guy if they want or need something.

  8. it’s just how she is you are making too big a deal out of it

    it’s always something, isn’t it

Relevant information

I’ve been with my wife for 13 years. We’re a lesbian couple. She jokes that we’re Chandler and Monica, with me being Chandler, and that’s fairly true.

The thing is, she doesn’t do anything to make me feel special. I get that I’m quite traditionally butch so it may seem as if I fall into the “husband” role and therefore she thinks she doesn’t need to, but — you straight women do so much for your husbands! I know this to be true! And also, I’m butch, I’m not a man. I think she forgets this sometimes. She also doesn’t exactly adhere to other traditional m/f roles, like doing all the housework. In fact, she doesn’t do any housework because she doesn’t like to “get dirty,” so it’s up to me to take the bins out, change the cat litter, vacuum and clean the toilet.

I don’t normally get emotional but on Valentine’s Day just past, I got a bit sad at the realisation that she’s literally never given me anything to mark the occasion. I gave her a card, which I always do. For the first three years we were together, I sent her a massive bouquet of flowers, but her response was so consistently lacklustre and confused that I stopped. I assume she isn’t interested in gifts, really, because she has never got me anything for my birthday or Christmas, either, in all the years we’ve been together. I have got her something every time, even if just a nominal something. She doesn’t ever seem embarrassed in the sense of “you’ve got me something and I haven’t got you anything.” She’s never been stimulated by my actions to reciprocate.

Am I being unreasonable to feel a bit unloved? I know gift giving isn’t everything, but in terms of “love languages,” I do all the acts of service in this relationship, as well as all the giving. I just don’t understand how it hasn’t occurred to her that I might want some attention.

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