My daughter is not allowed to date until she is 21 but?

My daughter is 15 and I caught her drinking alcohol with a 22 year old man,it is illegal to give minors alcohol so should I call the police on this man he also took her to a club and a bar but it is illegal unless she lied about her age and somehow got a fake ID .I have banned her from dating until she is 21 because grown men should not be taking advantage of underaged girls under 21.At 21 you are a grown woman you have matured and know from right and wrong.

6 Answers

  1. yes call the police. also, no dating until 21? are you serious? basically she is going to have to lie to you for the next 6 years. when she’s 18 she will be in college. are you going to call and check in on her every night? no dating until 16.

  2. YES, you should call the police. Next time he does this the turn out could be far worse. They will at least give him a scare.

    Now, about the banning dating until she is 21. Not good and far off course. Ban her until 16 and insist on knowing her dates and their parents, but if you ban her outright you are practically asking for her to lie to you and sneak around. You need to know what is going on. She needs to date different boys (of her own age) and learn from various mistakes. And to be able to talk to you ,getting your advice. That is how she learns-not being cut loose at 21 without a clue. That is like throwing her to the lions. She would be a walking target. When you calm down, you will see. Anyway, the Police need to know what club serves drinks to minors. Call them.

  3. I agree on calling the cops on the 22 year old man since he shouldn’t even been hanging out with her. But you can only tell your daughter she can’t date until she’s 18. though you should just ground her now and let her date guys her own age because otherwise she will just date behind your back. better to meet the boys she hangs out with then her dating losers to get back at you. Plus i don’t know what 21 year old girls you are calling about since most just want to drink and have fun at clubs.

  4. Sorry, yet at the starting up, banning until eventually the age of 21 isn’t lifelike. she will sneak out, meet extra questionable adult adult males, and all kinds of topics could ensue. I had a pal who did that and almost were given killed because her secret boyfriend became an abusive scumbag. move ahead and floor her, require to satisfy all of her boyfriends in man or woman beforehand first date; something yet ban. she will be in a position to insurrection. you may seek for advice from with her, clarify the criminal topics, and ban adult adult males over a particular age. Counseling and guidance on the topic of alcohol needs to take delivery of. She needs to carry close the end results of her moves. Ask the interior sight AA financial ruin if your daughter could attend a gathering. I guess 75% of them began ingesting beforehand 21. move to interior sight bars, move your daughter’s image and performance them call you if she shows up or you’ll call the police on them for serving a minor. call the police on the boyfriend, he remains unlawful. contained in the period in-between, seek for counseling for your self. you’ve a lot on your plate and a daughter it is a handful. She would scream, be indignant, pout, cry, yet years from now she will be in a position to thanks for straightening her out. reliable success.

  5. At 21 you are a grown woman you have matured and know from right and wrong.<———–Those are your words. Its is a belief of yours.

    Not a fact.

    For that reason, as a parent, your child will rebel.

    Understand your daughter and dont issue demands.People dont react to demands well.

    Understand why she is doing it instead of telling her not to do it. Your direct approach never works.

    How many times , kids are told…..dont do this , dont do that…….But they do it. Its because demands are a lower form of communication. Parents need to be smarter than that.

  6. Oh my god, you have a TEENAGER!! 😮

    Banning her from dating will just make her act out more. Just so you know.

    And yeah, your precious angel probably lied about her age.

Relevant information

Dear Dr. G.

The time that I’ve dreaded has just arrived. My 12-year-old daughter has asked me when she can start dating. I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 18 because I had very strict parents. I didn’t sneak around and date either because I didn’t want to get into trouble with my parents. Let’s just say that I was sort of a goody two shoes and didn’t want to upset my parents.

Fast forward to 2014. I am now a mother of a 12-year-old daughter and a 10-year-old son. Last week, the 12-year-old asked when she can start dating. I was shocked that she would even think about the concept of dating at such a young age. My husband and I have been discussing the answer to our daughter’s question and we just don’t know the right answer. I don’t want to be overly protective and strict like my parents were but I also don’t want to be too permissive. By the way, my husband was a late bloomer and started dating at 19.

Please help.

A Confused Mother

Dear Mother,

I completely understand why you are confused. First, the definition of dating is different these days than it was when you and your husband were younger. In the past, a young man, usually a teenage boy, would come to a teenage girl’s house and take her on an actual date which might include something like a movie and a curfew. The definition of dating has changed these days. Middle schoolers sometimes say they are dating when actually all they are doing is texting or even communicating via Facebook or in some other electronic manner. Teens in high school may define dating as being exclusive with each other physically which means that they don’t “hook-up” with anyone else. Yet other teens do go on dates with each other that are somewhat more formal where one member of the couple picks up the other one in a car for an afternoon or evening together that has been pre-planned.

The first order of business with your kids should be to ask them to define what they mean by dating. If they are referring to actually spending time alone with their date, then I have to say that around the age of 16 seems to be the magic number. And, you must make it clear what your rules and expectations are other than age. You and your husband need to address the following:

  1. Curfews
  2. Issues around sexuality
  3. Whether or not they are permitted to drive with the date
  4. Making good choices
  5. Use of alcohol and drugs on dates
  6. Not forgetting to maintain friendships while dating
  7. Keeping you informed about their whereabouts and changes in plans

Having said all of the above, I must tell you that I think that dating serves a very important purpose. Teens learn to negotiate their feelings and relationships while they are still young and under your roof. As we all know, relationships and healthy dating take a lot of practice and trial and error. Make sure to act interested but not too interested in your teen’s dating life with the hope that they will open up to you if they run into difficulties. Good luck with this tricky but important issue.

Dr. G.

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